Rehab, Guitar Hero, and Mountain Goats

The three members of BBPP have now recommitted their lives to work on Pathetic Covers. Tommy Rocket just returned from his fourth successful stint in rehab, hoping this is his last bout with Pam Cooking Spray. Rocky the Crusher didn't play the actual guitar for months, opting instead for the fake plastic Guitar Hero version: "it's always in tune bro!" Finally, the Destroyer has spent the last six months living in a cave somewhere in the mountains of Idaho, trying to rid the world of mountain goats through blunt force.

As their first official act of the new year, BBPP is ignoring the millions of votes cast in favor of the album title Pathetic Covers. Rather, the band will name their next effort The Pathetic Album. Tommy commented on the reasoning behind the name change: "It's a bit tastier."

Four songs are mostly done:

• Suck Snot
• The Song that Saved the World
• Hog-Tied
• Dumber than This

This month, the band will be focusing on the strange tale of a remorseful killer: "Take Me Away"

The chronicles of the actual heroes of the same name, Balloon Boy and the Porcupine Pals, continue to progress toward semi-completion. Below is a completely random book quote:

Lilian shifted uneasily as she stood, her hands resting awkwardly at her side. “I apologize your Greatness; my intentions were pure.” The truth of the matter, as Lilian well knew, was that she had achieved the exact weight necessary to obtain the rank of Second Class Protector. She also had an impeccable knowledge of Zaxmorthian history. “I request that your Greatness instruct me in the ways of Zaxmorthia, and imbue my conscious with a desire to achieve a girth appropriate for the position to which I aspire.” Lilian was well-prepared to play the part of Nabashio’s sycophant, knowing that it was a necessary step in her quest to become a Protector Second Class.

Nabashio, as he often did, mentally prepared his oratory carefully before responding. “Despite my disappointment in your devotion and prowess, I am prepared to instruct you personally. The honor, of course, is yours my student. Properly posture yourself and walk with me; I will instruct you as we tour the ship.” With that, he abruptly stood up from his seat, at which point his overstuffed fingers worked to ensure that each sleeve, lapel, button, and tuck of his Captain Protector suit was properly placed.